~ BEING BORN TO NARCISSISTS ~

Published on 21 May 2024 at 00:28

I'm thinking i should start somewhere from the beginning of my life since that is where all the "fun" begins.! Just kidding there was nothing fun about it lol.

 

Born to two parents who after living for so long I have realized have been nothing short of narcissistic monsters, one is bad enough but two ?? TWO ?!?! Now that's one giant shitshow, don't you agree ?? One abandoned me when i was young, stuck around for a very short time and then would be nothing but full of excuses as to why he couldn't keep in touch the next time i saw him .... Let's say from around age 4-ish is when it all stopped (don't quote me on that, it's all a little fuzzy lol) and i didn't see him again until i was 14 years old, first thing he said to me was if i remembered him while looking exactly the same but with gray hair, unfortunately i remembered him. Also, the first time i met my half siblings that he had with the same woman he was with when i was young from what i remember, and i refer to them as half is because after that day i never saw them again and never was able to create a bond, but CRAVED for siblings my WHOLE life (Let's say i adopted a lot of friends as siblings instead, trauma is funny that way). That was also the day i gave up on my father (who i loved dearly and protected from anyone who talked ill of him for many of my young childhood years), who decided to lie to my innocent little face because accountability was clearly unknown to him, as it is for most if not ALL narcissists in the world. GOOD RIDDANCE.!!

 

My mother, she stuck around BUT i don't know if it was for the best because she gave me a bunch of trauma to take with me through life herself. Imagine a little kid craving the love of her parents and only having one left who turned out to be just as bad in her own ways; self-esteem issues inflicted, blame thrown at, secretly resented because of who her father is/was and truly just unloved .... SO much to work through as an adult but as a young teen i partied to drown it all out, it worked for the most part, i guess :(

Years and years later, she regrets it and tries nothing but to drown me in unsolicited advice, opinions and whatever else she sees fit .... Everyone is probably reading this thinking about how lucky i should feel because at least my mother is trying now, it would be great if it didn't come with the attitudes out of nowhere, the outbursts over the most simplest of things, the fact that she still finds fault in EVERYTHING that i do and tries to make me think I'm wrong and like i don't know anything (lived 8 beautiful years away from her just fine, clearly not that "stupid") .... yeah that's definitely something to be "thankful" for *enter eye roll here*. Shit I clearly came back thinking once again that things would be different but this is the last time i will need this lesson to repeat again, I SWEAR.!! Even being around her for 2 weeks now, I see her yelling at her husband over the smallest and dumbest of things (and me of course), seems like nothing has changed, go figure lol. 

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